So I picked a guy up on the corner yesterday. I was stopped at a red light and he was waiting to cross the street. He smiled and said I was cute, I smiled and said thank you, we chatted for fifteen seconds, and as I drove off I invited him to join my group of friends at our local watering hole destination.
I sat down with my group and was joking about my corner flirtation, when in walked Corner Flirt himself. His name was Rob and he was an attractive and tall young professional with a cute accent from the deep south. Rob got mad bonus points for just showing up at all! But then Rob went ahead to display ten of the most annoying male flirtation habits of all time. While I know Rob won't be reading this entry, I know other single men will. So, for you, single men, I offer the following advice in your honor and wish you much success in your future flirting:
1. Do not stereotype and slam a faith group before taking the time to consider how the object of your affection might feel about that group, and the fact that her entire identity as a human being might rest in the fact that she is a joyful and willing participant of that group.
2. Do not slam and stereotype the people of a particular state before taking the time to consider where the object of your affection might have been born and raised and still call home.
3. Do not stare at an area of the object of your affection's body unless that area happens to be her eyes.
4. Do not attempt to win the object of your affection's heart by boasting about the specifics of your salary.
5. Do take a hint when the object of your affection starts responding to your obnoxious comments with "hmmmm. interesting." and turns to talk to her friend.
6. Do not attempt to occupy 90% of the table conversation by telling stories about how awesome you are.
7. Do ask the object of your affection questions about herself.
8. Do ask the object of your affection's friends questions about themselves.
9. Do not flaunt and wave your cash around as you prepare to pay for your drink.
10. Do not expect the object of your affection to call you if you royally bombed on all nine of the above instructions.
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You forgot to mention cursing. He cussed like a sailor. And that is rude. Also, he had crazy eyes- another item to mention. And...he was on his blackberry. RUDE.
ReplyDeleteCrackberry.
ReplyDeletegood point re: the cursing Ale -- but since I gave commentary on that a few weeks ago, i went with the new material... there was clearly plenty to pick from.
ReplyDeleteand re: the crackberry, i mean, he was using it to show how booming his business was while he explained his endless cash flow that he can barely manage. hmmm... interesting.
Remember, he will end up attracting the type of person that would be attracted to these things. In a way, he was like what bumper stickers are to me. To quote a commedian who said "I like bumper sticker's on peoples' cars; I can read their viewpoints, and as it often happens, I can tell at a quick glance that 'hey, let's never hang out!!!'"
ReplyDelete