Uncanny, unintentional, and (mostly) unwanted

In my recent adult years, I’ve realized three things about my dating abilities:
1. I have an uncanny, unintentional, and unwanted knack to make men fall in (what they call) “love” with me in five dates or less.
2. I have an uncanny, unintentional, and unwanted knack to send men into priesthood discernment.
3. I have an uncanny, unintentional, and (mostly) unwanted knack to attract men in the food services industry.

I have yet to figure out the "why" of any of these realizations, but here is a select sampling of stories from the third point, which is, although debatable, the most entertaining of the trio.

Sandwich Sabotager: First, there was Sandwich Sabotager. After a year of delicious sandwiches and friendly chatter at his shop, he asked me out. I said no thank you, but thank you. The dude proceeded to intentionally sabotage my sandwich by globbing mayo and melting american cheese between each layer, knowing full-well I detest both items, all because I politely declined to go out with him.

Miller Man: Then there was the dude who worked at Miller Brewery, whom I got to know at the corporate Miller Pub, open to employees and their guests. Really, it was a pretty sweet deal – for a month I got to hang out on a pretty patio in nice weather while sampling the newest trial brews before they were made public. But that fun had to end when we ventured to life outside of the pub and I realized his frequent trips to the restroom were not just because he was consuming liquid – the dude had the worst case of frequent urination syndrome I’ve ever known. There were ample other reasons that had to end, but they aren’t nearly as amusing.

Cheese Carver: Earlier at work this week, I got the fun project of getting a price quote for carving a laptop out of cheese for one of our clients (which is great story, but doesn’t belong here). I contacted the semi-famous cheese-carver from Wisconsin for a quote. After a friendly chat about what I was looking for, the conversation ended with Cheese Carver agreeing to send a few sketches over along with pricing, and along with my quote came some quite flattering post-script commentary about my staff profile photo that appears on my company website, which, he took the liberty of looking up based on my work e-mail address I gave him. It was rather sweet, really, and not at all cheesey, pun totally intended.

Blue Eyed Butcher: And then there is the cute butcher at Sendiks who for the past year has been beaming his beautiful blue eyes and smile at me, which until lately totally freaked me out. But upon recently realizing that over the course of the last two years of my life taken mostly up by being a good girlfriend to one or another, I have totally lost any and all flirting skills I never really had anyway, I’ve decided Blue Eyed Butcher is a great chance to get back on that saddle. So, if you get an invitation to a BBQ from me, please come – I’ll need your help to consume all the frozen meat that’s piling up in my freezer.