Hoping for perfected health

What I thought was going to be simple procedure at my doctor’s office turned into quite a scare today for yours truly involving the ER, an EKG, four attempts at inserting an IV, and a very expensive diagnosis of “you’re absolutely fine.”

I went to my doctor this afternoon so he could insert a carbon thread in me to constantly collect my blood sugar numbers for a 72 hour period. It’s a simple procedure, really. No blood, no pain, no fear. Everything was fine for about the ten minutes after they stuck it in me. But then suddenly and without warning I felt my blood pressure plunging, started sweating like a Gatorade commercial, became nauseous, thought I went blind, lost feeling and hearing in my ears, started speaking like Rain Man, and within about a minute went tumbling to the ground like a Jenga tower. Nurses and doctors rushed to my side, and as blood rushed back into my head (I was lying down at this point!) and I started to come-to, I heard someone yell, “call the ambulance!”

And they did. I could share with you about the heinous treatment provided in the ER, such as how they left me hooked up the EKG machine for hours, forgot to check on me, and didn’t let me use the ladies’ room. Or, I could tell you about how it took four stabs and three people to finally get an IV in my vein. Or, I could tell you about how they avoided me in my bed for so long that my blood sugar fell to 60 and they didn’t seem to think that was a problem. But the most ridiculous part (besides the fact that I was in the ER at all) that I’d most like to share with you was the donkey’s rear doctor who finally saw me for a total of 2.3 minutes. The conversation went like this: 

Dr. Donkey’s Rear: There’s nothing wrong with you.

Me: Great. But why did I pass out?

Dr. Donkey’s Rear: Because you have a history of heart palpitations.

Me: But I don’t have a history. I’ve never had heart palpitations, and the EKG you just reviewed proved that.

Dr. Donkey’s Rear: Are you having them right now?

Me: No.

Dr. Donkey’s Rear: Did you have them earlier today?

Me: Obviously, and I’m here for you to tell me why.

Dr. Donkey’s Rear: I can’t. But I can tell you the ones you had today happened in the past, so you do therefore have a history of heart palpitations. 

I decided not to waste my breath arguing with the dude who has clearly never taken a logic class, so I stopped talking to him, he turned around, and I didn’t see him again.

Anyways, it turns out I had an intense episode of Vasovagal Syncope, which is a fancy way of saying some part of my brain I don’t have control of made my body freak out in response to the internal glucose monitor, and as a result I fainted. All’s well that ends well, and it was a great reminder that health is a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful thing – as believers we hope for the day our bodies will be perfected, but until then, and despite my imperfect health, I’m going to thank God every day for the health I do have.