Love is a choice

I recently had a, shall we say, unique conversation with my friend Dan who commented that the “feelings” of being in love and being intoxicated have the same effects on a person (you can check it out here). I’ll be the first to admit he has a point about the idiotic things we do when we are blinded by the emotional, subjective, fleeting feelings of romantic love. But his statement got me thinking about how that type of love is subject to the changing tides we call life, and how the crux – that which upholds and sustains it – of real and lasting love, be it parental, romantic, brotherly, whatever, is not a feeling, but a choice.

Which brings me to a true confession: I probably should have been a Theo major. I do things like read Papal encyclicals the same day they are released, like today when I spent a good bit of time getting into Pope Benedict’s third encyclical, Caritas in Veritate (Love in Truth). He writes….

“Love and truth ... are the vocation planted by God in the heart and mind of every human person… Without truth, charity degenerates into sentimentality. Love becomes an empty shell, to be filled in an arbitrary way. In a culture without truth, this is the fatal risk facing love. It falls prey to contingent subjective emotions and opinions, the word “love” is abused and distorted, to the point where it comes to mean the opposite."

Unless we understand the truth about love and charity – that they are choices we make, rooted in God’s creation for humans to seek and choose both truth and love – then we will only ever be trying to fill that shell in arbitrary, subjective, fleeting ways that ultimately result in emptiness.

Confused? Consider the greatest act of love ever conducted on this earth: Christ enduring a heinous crucifixion and descending into Hell so you and I might be forgiven and be granted eternal peace and joy. Do you think Jesus felt all warm, fuzzy, emotional feelings of love for us as he hung there dying? I hope to ask Him that someday, but for now, I sure don’t. Yet that act of will - that choice - shows more love than any other human could ever possibly give.

While political hacks try to spin the Holy Father’s latest formal message to push their agendas, I hope we can all take one simple concept away from his writing: Love is so much more than mere subjective and passing sentimentality; love is a choice. Please choose it with all you meet today.